just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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