Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
