I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
