Just fell off a train. Bad.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
