Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
