oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
