one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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