Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
