We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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