we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
