fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
