the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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