in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
