no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
