Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
