I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
