all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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