OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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