the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
