.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
