It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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