New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i dont even know how to be here
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
