I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
