i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
