I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
