do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
