I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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