Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
