i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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