we have officially lost it.
Can i not drive my cunt home
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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