What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
