i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
