I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
