I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Randomize
