highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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