dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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