I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
