Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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