I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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