That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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