are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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