fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
