Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
