If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize