Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My vagina is very pro this idea
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
