i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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