morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
