will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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