i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
