you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
