I just cut my nipple shaving
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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