there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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