when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
