i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
