i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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