Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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