a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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