Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
