honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
