no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
