I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
