Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
