you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
