i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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