How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Holy sore nipples Batman
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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