he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
