If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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