I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize