it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
