you guys were way drunker than both of me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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