I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
