He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize