Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
